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This training diary is a part of the experiment to increase flow and presence in training. It is the method to observe and learn about yourself and your training that is primary in this diary. This method of observation may be applied to any sport from elite level to beginner. Most athletes are good at collecting and analyzing training data (time, intensity, etc.) here we add the experience, feeling, focus and level of flow. Why? By emphasizing feeling, focus and flow,during and after each training session, you become aware in a new way. You start to see how and why your focus sometimes is completely gone and sometimes sharp. You start to see how external factors affect focus and flow. You get the connection between feeling (fatigue, power), focus and flow. But perhaps most importantly, you begin to slowly teach yourself how to find flow in your workouts. In this experimental training diary I use a five-point scale: * (1) - ***** (5) to assess my own experience of the workout. But do not take this assessment scale too seriously, it's not about deciding what is good and bad, but to see what happens, how it all fits together and how it affects you. I rate feeling, focus and flow. Feeling I define as overall energy, stamina and mood. Focus include how I can concentrate and how much my thoughts are entirely on the exercise or floats around. Flow is an assessment of how immersed I am in the activity. Sometimes flow it is directly related to focus, but not always. I also measure and record most of my workouts with a GPS clock or the like, but these data are only occasionally included in this diary.

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A "just swim" session, April 11th, 2018, 3600 m, 1 h 7 min.

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Doing laps in a pool are for many athletes associated with measurements. We count laps, we check the pace, we do intervals with 10, 15 or 30 seconds rest. Pool swimming is often a very controlled and analysed form of training. That goes for me to, I have even used a gadget called Marlin that counts laps and give you lap times in your ear. I register my pool swim sessions on my multisport watch and I have from time to time used one of those beepers that sets your lap time. And yes you might need this extra control to really push your limits. You might need a pacing beep in your ear or a time on the clock to lift yourself and improve. But I also think we need to be aware how these measurements affects us and can change the experience of our training sessions.

The other day I realised I just wanted to swim totally without any devices and measurements. Just do a long swim and see what happened. I didn’t count laps or checked the clock on the wall, just swam until I was done. My focus was on the stroke and keeping a good pace. Not knowing for how long I had been going or how many laps I had done at first bugged me, but after a while it was liberating. My thoughts stopped drifting around, I focused on my strokes and feeling in the water and just swam. When I stopped I had done 3600 m which was almost exactly what I had aimed for (yes I had my multi sport watch to register the session and evaluate afterwords). The pace was a bit slow but totally ok for that distance. So what’s the benefits and learnings from a session like this? This is of course is a classic endurance session but also a session aimed at finding focus and flow. My biggest learning was that I need these totally free long swim sessions. They increase my joy of swimming.

I think there is a downside if we overemphasise the data focus and measuring, especially if we constantly look at data during the training session. But on the other hand 100 meter intervals where you push yourself can increase your feel for the water, improve your stroke and speed. Most importantly this is not either or, you don’t need to throw away all your measuring gadgets. But be aware of how you use them and how it affects your thinking, experience and joy of swimming (or running or biking or…). I for sure have now integrated one long ”just swim” session in my weekly practice.

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Blåfrusen (“Frozen Blue”) Ultra Marathon, December 10th, 2016, 73,5 K, 8 h 46 min. (Picture: The pace was slow at 57 K. My 7 year old daughter ran away from me at the service station in Rydbo.)

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: **** (4)

Beginning of December, the weather is always uncertain in the Stockholm area, there may be rain and snow, and the temperature usually settles somewhere around freezing. The day will break at half past eight and it gets dark at half past three. To then run an Ultra Marathon on trails in the forest over more than 70 kilometers seems a bit stupid or downright insane. But at the same time a really fun challenge.

This was my second Ultra, the race followed a marked trail called the Blue Trail out and back, with the turnaround point in the small archipelago town of Vaxholm. My preparations for this race was very different, I managed to get a small tear in my calf 2,5 weeks before the race. First I thought that I would have to cancel, but I rested entirely from running and made a short test run two days before the race and then it was OK. My first Ultra (SUM 50 K) in October, gave me one huge learning: Start out much slower than you can, hold back a lot. But, over the first 9 kilometers I still ran too fast, I had good company and it felt good. Then I realized my error, slowed down. After that I kept track of my kilometer pace, so I wouldn’t speed up. The problem with this was that it made me focus a bit to much on the numbers, to much analyzing. But after the turnaround, I didn’t check the pace or distance at all, and my focus and presence grew. The intake of gel, coffee, etc. worked perfectly, my stomach was in top condition. I only missed to replenish the water sack at the last service station. I got many moments of flow, slowly running in the snow on winding trails. It’s a very special feeling when you find just the pace that is right for the moment and can grind on, one step at the time. A few parts of the trail were very technical, a few parts were very wet. My pace dropped a lot on the second half, but I kept running. I was joined by a fellow participant, Daniel Becker for the final nine kilometers. He had forgotten his head light and I realized later that I was out of water, so we had a really good exchange. It was also nice talk to someone at the end of the race, it took away some of the tiredness. Great finish line with lighted torches and falling snow.  Map and more pictures on my Strava page, link:

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Sörmland Ultra Marathon SUM 50 K, trail race.  Oct 8th, 5 timmar 5 minuter.

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: *** (3)

My first ultramarathon and the longest distance I've ever run. Was a bit worried that my Achilles would not keep throughout, it bugged me for the first 30 K but forgot about it eventually. Aiming for five hours but really had no idea how long it might take. Started out too fast, even though I thought I took it easy in the beginning. Biggest lesson: Ultra requires strategy and great restraint in the beginning. Took the wrong way at 19 K (1,5 K and 10 min extra) and shortly after that the pace dropped considerably. It was my legs that protested especially downhill, oddly enough I had the energy to run up all the hills all the way to the end. Found flow, focus and presence here and there, but was at other times totally unfocused and “played” mind games with the distance and time remaining. But this first Ultra was great fun and whetted the appetite. To be extremely tired and run on hilly paths filled with roots and rocks, it's a bit crazy and at the same time a very special experience.

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Achilles test on slippery, hilly trails . Trail Run.  Sept 29th, 1 hour 55 minutes.

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Wanted to test if my Achilles was up for a long run on hilly rough trails (the test was for possibly running an ultra 50K trail race a week later). Damp fall day with rain hanging in the air. Dressed a little too warm, but it's always nice to run on a warm, damp autumn day. The energy level felt good. I had some sensations in my Achilles tendon that previously had malfunctioned, but less than expected. When focusing on a small pain somewhere it tend to change. In this case the small hilly trail constantly changed how the feet hit the ground and that helped move the pain around. Running on rough small trails forces me to focus on each step. This focus can not always be  directly translated to flow when the trail is rough. You also have to find a rhythm between the slippery roots and large rocks. I was very tired over the last miles, had emptied my energy stores, in the middle of a tough training week. Insight: There is a strange joyful feeling in the midst of great physical exhaustion.

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A nice, but totally unfocused, fall ride. Bike. Sept 27th, 2 hours 55 minutes.

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: * (1)

Flow: ** (2)

Beautiful fall weather, windy but sunny and warm. The standard long bike loop. Energy was OK especially going out in the tail wind, the way home facing the headwind was rougher. Was completely unfocused, thoughts drifting from job issues, planning, something I read to... Had a few moments of presence and flow when speeding on winding roads, but mostly unfocused. Do you get more unfocused when the wind blows and the noise in your helmet is distracting? Is it the relatively low level of challenge on wellknow roads that make me loose my focus ? Is it too much thinking about what to do next that interferes? I often find it more difficult to maintain focus on a bike than when running.

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Austria Extreme Triathlon. Race Report.  June 25th, 17 hours 4 minutes

Feeling: ***** (5)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: ***** (5)

I have never been in a race where I found and sustained the feeling of flow to this extent. The swim against the current, being alone on empty streets in the beginning of the bike ride, the climbs with total focus, the crazy fast descents and finally the run/walk in large parts alone immersed in breath taking surroundings. The experience of flow was powerful. You can download the full race report as PDF here.

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With a neighbor as pace setter. Brick run.  May 3rd, 60 minutes

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Brick session run after 90 minutes on the bike. Stepped out into the street to start the session at the same time as my neighbor. He was also going out for a run, so we decided to run together. Started slowly but then we picked up the pace, it ended up to be my fastest time on that loop. I don't know if it's a specifically male syndrome that when you run together , the competitive spirit grows. Felt really strong,  had to focus to keep the pace and got a large dose of flow. Lesson learned: Sometimes you need a training partner to push a little bit extra and when you feel strong the extra push can bring focus and flow.

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From bored to focused. Bike trainer. January 9th, 60 minutes

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: *** (3)

Purpose: Restart of cycling after a long break. Free ride sessions with the TrainerRoad app as data collector. Free ride in the TrainerRoad app means that it is entirely up to you how intense you work, no predetermined intensities and intervals. Felt some sciatica pain from a ski accident a week earlier. The TrainerRoad app presents a range of data before my eyes and I can choose to stare at them or ignore and focus on the feeling. I did chose to minimize data input and number focus on this session. It felt surprisingly good, biked in about five minute intervals at different watts and with recurrent focus on technique. The intensity was totally based on how i felt  and I was afterwards suprised how high the watts where. Very good focus, were present. Focus on pedaling technique and cadence keeps the thoughts from drifting around. The overall feeling was lowered by slight sciatic pain, but the session still offered aa good measure of the flow.

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Pain and one more loop. Skate skiing. Edsåsdalen.  January 24th, 2 hours 20 minutes

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: ** (2) first half **** (4) second half

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Long workout on skis instead of indoor biking, because the winter day was absolutely perfect and I was just there in the mountains on that day. Two laps on the 10K groomed loop and then a climb and return to (Vita Renen) the White Reindeer hut. My sciatica gave me a little pain in the hip and down the leg. In the first part of the workout thoughts about the pain bugged me. But it did not hurt that bad and the pain didn't grow. The climbing was tough because the trail was soft, even if the track was freshly groomed. When you have a low level pain somewhere (thus not acute pain) you can deal with it in two ways. Either let your thoughts spin on it, that is worry about the consequences, for example wonder  if it will get worse or try to figure out what you could do about it. Or you can just let the pain be there and concentrate on it a little bit extra without analyzing. With the second strategy pain sometimes disappears completely into the background. It is perhaps not the pain itself that is the problem but our thoughts/fears about it. NOTE. Severe acute pain is a totally different thing. I almost quit after two laps on the 10K loop but continued and got a wonderful climbing up to the White Reindeer hut. Full focus and renewed energy on the steep climb up and a high-speed downhill with expansive views back gave a great dose of flow.

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Intense thinking with a chance of flow. Swim.  January 27th , 1 hour

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: ** (2)

Purpose: Started a new program called Swim Smooth, this week. To get a bit more structure and take a step forward with the swim practice. The first part of the program is to implement their boot camp and get the basic ideas of how the program works. A lot to keep track of with a range of completely new drills. I do need technique training and it involves a high degree of focus on one detail at a time. The Swim Smooth program is all about feel for the water, awareness of the technique and focused training. The rapid shifts between different drills takes away a bit of a chance to flow as the grinding of laps in the pool otherwise can generate. There is something very meditative with longer workouts in the pool, the longer the interval, the easier I think it is to get into flow. But technique drills offers a different kind of focus and awareness.

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Intervals with a drifting mind. Bike trainer.  January 28th, 1 hour

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: *** (3)

Purpose: Intervals with variation in cadence to enhance the ability to keep force on the pedals. A session that felt good and fairly easy. I had a big aha experience during the minutes marked in the picture above. I found myself completely losing focus and drift somewhere else in my mind.  You can see the effects of my drifting mind on the watt curve in the TrainerRoad app (the highlighted circle in the picture above). I was physically in place and doing the job, but disappeared in my thoughts and my energyoutput fell directly. If you often lose focus and have a drifting mind, the value of the exercise session will drop. To see how thoughts and focus varies during a workout is one of the purposes of evaluating feeling, focus and flow. When I managed to "catch" my drifting mind and returned to the here and now, my  energy output increased.

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Long "Red mist" with flow. Swim.  February 3rd. 1,15 hour

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Swim Smooth's classic Red Mist session. A long endurance workout with focus on a restrained first set (4 times 400 m) and then increase the tempo in small steps (total 10 times 400 meters). A session that really allow you to find the flow. It is challenging, not least in terms of keeping focus. You have to stay at the same pace, initially hold back and then increase in small steps. The long intervals helps me find flow and the many intervals make the  session very demanding.

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Nature as source of flow. Run after biketrainer.  February 4 th , 90 min + 35 min

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: ***** (5)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Brick session, long session on bicycle trainer followed by short run. The bike part was focused on the ability to keep higher power on the pedals for longer periods of time. The run was mainly short transition run, the assesment is for the run part of the workout. It was slippery and I had to run with great care. The big kick was to get off the biketrainer and out running in the sun. I find that nature can help tremendously when it comes to finding flow. The slippery surface demanded concentration, I had good energy and it was pleasant. Not a full level flow workout though, the slippery surface demanded a bit to much focus and caution.

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3 hour "meditative mini retreat" on biketrainer February 11 th, 195 min

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: *** (3)

Purpose: A long endurance session to get the muscles used to low-intensity aerobic work and switch to a higher degree of fat burning by emptying  stored carbohydrates. These long workouts indoors on a trainer can be seen as incredibly tedious and TV, youtube, music or other distractions are often used. But if I skip all the distractions and just try to be present and focused, this becomes a kind of "meditative mini retreat. One of the main components of retreats tend to be silence for long periods, silent meditation, silent walks and silence at meals. 3 hours on a trainer will not replicate that, but the hours in silence with only the sound of the trainer, my own breath and my unruly thoughts can perhaps give a touch of it. I got, at this session, stuck a bit too much in the numbers on the Trainer Road app. But I had a short period after 90 minutes that was high flow, it then felt like my legs worked by themselves without any effort. But overall this was a strenuous workout.

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Skip the numbers, more focus and flow? biketrainer. February 13th, 80 min

Feeling* (2)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: ** (2)

Purpose: Tempo workout with the main objective to withstand relatively high even loads for extended periods. Feeling tired and worn out at the start, legs heavy. The first increases in the intensity was hard. Decided to do a test. During the first of three 20 minute intervals, I had all the data available, time, watts, cadence, and heart rate. The following two 20-minute intervals, I covered the data and had only the curve to follow. The first interval, with numbers, was tuff, but began to feel better in the end. When I removed the data I was at first surprised. My focus immediately got worse, I started thinking about everything possible (planning of the day, last week, etc.). It was as if the numbers kept the analytical part of my brain happy and focused, but when removed, it became unfocused. After a while without numbers, I began to listen more to the body, fine tune the pedals strokes and cadence. Felt a bit like stepping out of the thoughts and into the body. Moments of great focus and presence were then mixed with moments of a unfocused mind, so the watt curve varied. Overall, however, the intervals felt good,were above the planned intensity and it was nice to avoid the data. Test for yourself, what happens when you remove the numbers and data during a training session?

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Long slow runs, high level of flow?  Run. February 14th, 127 min

Feeling: ** (2)

Focus: ** (2)

Flow: ** (2)

Purpose: Traditional long run to accustom the body to long-term work, increase fat-burning capacity etc. A little tired and worn, the last day of a week that included the largest total training dose so far this year. Partly very icy/slippery so a lot of focus was needed to avoid the worst parts. Mind unfocused, thoughts drifted everywhere, never found any real flow. Beautiful loop around Edsviken, mainly on small trails along the water.  A loop where it normally is easy to get into a rhythm/a flow. But the icy parts and my fatigue messed it up. Was really tired the last 2 K. Long runs on small trails usually give me a high level of flow, but not today.

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Flow on frozen water.  Ice-skating. February 20th, 75 min

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: A training session just because it is so fun and at the same time provides  a good leg and upper body workout. I skate with long poles, it get your upper body working just like in  skate skiing. Felt good, good energy after five days of low level training in the recovery week. Early morning, so on the first lap was the ploughed track almost empty. Strong tailwind out strong headwinds back. Skating on good ice a beautiful winter day, it's a high flow activity. You get into a rhythm, and with the tailwind the speed you "fly" over the ice. Going back into the headwind I have to work hard, but find a rythm. The wind increased on the second lap and had to work really hard the last bit.

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Beginners Yoga - from intense thinking to growing flow.  Yoga. February 25th, 60 min

Feeling: **** (4)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: *** (3)

Purpose: A yoga class to balance, stretch and become more flexible.  I have used the web based Yogaglo service for a few months. At first I was skeptical, web based yoga, can it really work? But now it has become a part of my training. I can do it whenever suits me and Yogaglo offers a fantastic range of classes, several adapted to different sports such as cycling and running. I have taken this specific class, called The Whole Enchilada,  about 10 times and I slowly start to "get" it. This means that the intensive thinking needed initially, just to keep up with the different poses has declined.  The poses begin to be "programmed", there is a greater presence and a little more flow every time I take this class. This particular day, the energy was there, but I was a bit unfocused and I really needed the session. I was stiff and sore from a hard workout earlier.

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From tired and slow to slippery flow. Run. February 27 th, 96 min

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Medium long endurance run, the original idea was to stay at race pace, marathon. Beautiful morning but I was really tired and slow at the start, plus had a head full of work worries. Unsure if I would be able to manage 90 minutes as planned. Mix between suburban bike paths and small forest trails. The trails in the forest were partly icy/slippery, but there was good grip at the trail edges. Demanded a lot of focus and easy slow pace. Got my body working and my mind a bit quieter after a while. Found a really nice flow on the trails. The last 5 K back on bike paths and I could pick up a good pace. Nice session that got my body going and was "mind cleansing".

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From no energy to acceptance and a dose of flow. Skate skiing. Edsåsdalen, March 3rd, 100 min

Feeling: * (1)

Focus: *** (3)

Flow: *** (3)

Purpose: A skate skiing workout as an alternative to the bike trainer, just because skate skiing are so much fun. Very tired legs, indeed my whole body was tired. Did a late running workout the night before and it lingered together with a high training dose the entire week. Started contemplating cutting the workout short. But the trail was nice and even the 18K loop was groomed, it goes up high, is beautiful and hilly. Accepted after a while my fatigue, lowered the pace a bit, stopped worrying about my tiredness, focused on the beautiful surroundings  and finding a rhythm. And I did find a good measure of flow after a while.

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Perfect conditions promotes flow. Skate skiing. Edsåsdalen, March 5th, 195 min

Feeling: *** (3)

Focus: **** (4)

Flow: **** (4)

Purpose: Skate skiing in perfect conditions, a long workout to increase endurance. I had a rest day before and the energy and muscles felt quite OK. Slept, however badly the night before and had a slightly sore throat, a hint of a cold. The 10 K loop was just groomed, perfect corduroy. It was easy to focus on the skiing and find a rhythm. Took the 10 km loop first, I was all alone.  Started out on the 10 K again, but turned into the 18K loop. It was not groomed, but the fresh snow that lay was fluffy and only a slightly higher knee lift was needed, see the picture below. Overall a very nice workout, perfect external conditions make it possible to find flow even if the body is not 100%. The cold broke out the day after.

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